Holding On Page 8

  While I was there, I filled in my grandpa about the car and he said he would make some time in the next couple of weeks so we would check some out.

  Grandma was taking Pamela back to the pool at the hotel, then they were going to a movie. It felt so surreal. Life was moving along even while my mom was in the hospital and my father was in jail. I guessed nobody really knew what to do. Keeping busy made the time move quickly.

  I received no updates about my father, but I was glad he was still in police custody. I didn’t really need to think about him for the time being.

  Jeff and I decided to head to the community center to go swimming in the indoor pool. We both had the day off of work and neither of us really wanted to do much of anything. Once we arrived at his house, I grabbed my trunks and changed in the bathroom while Jeff stayed in his bedroom. I was looking forward to fun at the pool, maybe letting off some steam. The last couple of days had been more stressful than anything else in my life. Not to mention all the weird feelings I was having about Jeff.

  I leaned onto the bathroom counter and stared into the mirror.

  “Quit thinking about Jeff that way! Just enjoy hanging out with him at the pool,” I ordered my reflection. Unfortunately, that only made me wonder what it might be like to have his arms around me in the water. Not off to the best start.

  When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I gasped. Jeff was leaning against the door frame into the kitchen, his arms crossed with a bright orange beach towel slung over his shoulder. His new navy blue board shorts fit him perfectly, dipping a little in the front. He was shirtless, and when I saw all that curly dark hair on his chest, I immediately wanted to skim my fingers through it.

  My cock sprang to life, tenting my trunks. I placed my towel in front of my crotch just in time as he noticed me. He grabbed a T-shirt from the entryway table and slipped it over his head before we headed to the street.

  “Ready?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yes.” More than you know.

  Since the pool was only a block from his house, we decided to walk. By the time we arrived, I was back in control of my body, although I couldn’t stop myself from sneaking glances at him. How had he gotten so sexy without me noticing for so long? Was I blind before? I needed to focus on something else.

  “So, you ever going to tell me who this mystery woman is you’re in love with?” I teased.

  He looked at me in shock, gaping. “You mean, you still think…after everything…you really…?”

  “What?” I asked, watching him struggle with his words. What was wrong with him?

  Jeff looked away. “No, I’m not ready to reveal that person’s name yet.”

  The fact he hadn’t said “her name” didn’t escape me. “Okay, be difficult! Don’t share with your best friend,” I teased again.

  We checked in at the front desk and made our way through the locker room to the pool. There we saw several people we knew from school. Kevin Mason waved us over to join him.

  The incredibly hot guy standing next to Kevin drew my eyes. He stood at least six feet tall, with jet black hair that hung down around his ears and over his forehead. “Chiseled” was the word that sprang to mind when I looked at his face. A few days’ stubble covered his strong jawline, and his dark and intense eyes watched me watching him.

  I jolted from my drooling, and felt myself blush. Damn if he didn’t give me a slow smile that would have normally caused my blood to boil, but…it didn’t. Huh…that was interesting. I glanced sideways at Jeff, and yeah, there it was. Shit. My dick sprang to life and I felt the blush creep down my neck.

  “Guys, this is my cousin, Jon Hernandez. He’s staying with my family over spring break.” Kevin swung his arm toward us. “These goons are Jeff and Aaron.”

  Jon didn’t take his eyes off me. “Hi, Aaron.”

  Jeff cleared his throat, but Jon didn’t even acknowledge him. I glanced everywhere but at Jon and I wondered if anyone else noticed his blatantly obvious staring.

  Kevin lightly shoved his cousin with his elbow. “Give it a break, Casanova.”

  Jon’s lips curled in a smile as he finally tore his gaze from my face and looked at his cousin. “Can’t help it, Cuz,” he shot back and laughed.

  Jeff’s face went beet red and his lips pressed together in a tight, thin line.

  I started to say something, but really, what was there to say? Even if I was confused about all these new feelings I had for Jeff, and even if I could pretend in my mind he might be gay, we were only friends. Best friends. Yes, I felt closer to him than ever before and my body reacted to him like he was prime beef and I was a starving man, but that didn’t change reality.

  I guessed I had been trying to fool myself. Jeff hadn’t shown any interest in me as more than a friend and that was because he was straight and I just needed to get that through my thick head. So what if he held me at night? So what if he was hard in the morning? What teenage boy wasn’t hard every morning?

  It was time to squelch my growing feelings. But maybe it was also time to finally tell him. I should feel open to flirt with another guy if I wanted. While Jon had clearly ogled me like I had never been ogled before, I wasn’t really interested—was I? Either way, I should’ve been able to respond and flirt back openly if I wanted. Guys could flirt with girls in the open as much as they wanted and never fear retribution. Yeah, I thought it was probably time to come clean. Tonight, I would talk with Jeff. If he had a problem with it, I could stay with my grandparents.

  God, I hope he doesn’t have a problem with it.

  I explained I was staying at Jeff’s for a while, since my mom was in the hospital.

  “What happened?” Kevin asked.

  I looked at Jeff, my eyebrows raised. I hadn’t thought how to explain this.

  “She was injured,” Jeff offered. “She’ll be in the hospital for a week or so. Then she’s going to stay with his grandparents for a little while.”

  “Whoa, man. That’s tough.”

  I looked at Kevin and shrugged. “She’s going to be okay, so it will all work out.”

  “What about your dad?” Jon asked.

  “Well, they’re getting divorced and he isn’t able to be here for now,” I said, trying to be truthful without revealing the whole situation. I mean, we assumed Mom would be divorcing him, but I didn’t want to go into the details with the other guys.

  Jon and Kevin seemed to accept that, and minutes later, we were all in the pool having a great time, acting goofy and letting loose. It was nice to feel carefree and enjoy myself. At one point, it was just the four of us in the pool, so we decided to play Marco Polo.

  It was Jon’s turn and it seemed to me he was trying to find me more than the other two.

  “Marco!” Jon called.

  “Polo,” we all answered in unison. I did my best to throw him off by moving quickly, but suddenly he dived and grabbed my leg, pulling me under.

  I came up sputtering, and he and I laughed for a minute as the other two swam over. We stood in the four-foot area and Jon pointed a finger onto the center of my chest.

  “I knew I could find you,” he whispered. “I just had to follow the sexiest voice in the pool.”

  I looked at him in shock. Was he really calling me sexy?

  He shot me a grin as he slid his finger down my chest before diving underwater, tugging at my swim trunks for a second, and swimming away.

  I couldn’t help but feel shocked and wondered if Jeff had seen it. One look at my best friend’s face told me he had. He looked furious as he moved through the water toward me.

  “What was that about?” he whispered when he got close enough. “Was he hitting on you?”

  “I think so. Wild, right?” I laughed.

  “He shouldn’t be touching you. I mean, he doesn’t even know if you are into guys.” He glared daggers at Jon’s back.

  I laughed again. “Maybe he could just tell,” I answered before I thought about what I was saying. It wasn’t until I saw his shock
ed expression that it dawned on me I had just outed myself.

  I must have blushed ten shades of red, as I felt the heat creep across my skin. To hide my embarrassment, I dove and grabbed his knees, pulling him under, too.

  Jeff fell with me and we wrestled around for a moment before resurfacing.

  “You are in so much trouble,” he threatened.

  “Oh, yeah? What are you going to do?” I teased. My eyes fell on his mouth and I instinctively licked my lips.

  His eyes darkened and he stared at me with something I couldn’t describe. But a delicious shiver ran through my body.

  He moved toward me and I backed up until I hit the tiled edge. He grinned, knowing I was trapped. I started sliding along the wall until I was into the five-foot area. He followed, and in seconds, I nervously bit my lower lip as he zeroed in on me. He braced his arms on the concrete walkway behind me and leaned in until he was inches from my face. Water droplets fell from his hair to his shoulders and rolled down his chest.

  “Did I hear you right?” His hot breath against my wet skin made me tremble.

  I swallowed nervously and nodded, holding his gaze.

  “Say the words, Aaron,” he said gruffly.

  My heart raced. My breathing was ragged, and my mind swirled with emotions I wasn’t sure I was ready to deal with. My gaze fell to his lips and I almost groaned when I saw their wetness. And so rosy. Water dripped down his face and another droplet fell to his chest. For a moment, I found myself wishing I could lick that small bead of water.

  “Say the words, Aaron.” His voice sounded thick.

  My eyes flicked back to his, and the intensity I saw in them stunned me. My heart pounded in my ears. I licked my lips. My voice quivered as I whispered, “I’m gay, Jeff.”

  He looked like he was about to say something when Kevin came up behind him.

  “Hey, guys, quit messing around!”

  Jeff pulled away, but still didn’t say anything. I couldn’t move and I gazed at all that silky hair plastered to his chest.

  “Sorry about Jon. He’s gay and he’s a big flirt.” Kevin held up his hands, palms out, as he shook his head. “Wait, that didn’t come out right. I don’t mean to apologize for that—I don’t have a problem with him being gay. I mean, he likes to flirt and I should have warned you guys. But give him a chance, he’s a really nice guy.”

  “No problem. I liked him,” I said.

  Jeff swiveled his head toward me, his eyebrows raised.

  “I don’t mean like that,” I clarified. “I mean, he’s a nice guy. Funny, too.”

  We spent the next couple of hours in the pool. Once I got over my initial fear of Jeff’s reaction to my revelation, I was able to relax and have a good time. Kevin was right, though, Jon did like to flirt. And I was his target. I didn’t mind; it was kind of flattering. But Jeff and I never got a chance to be alone again so I was anxious to talk with him.

  Around dinner time, we all decided to head home.

  Jon walked next to me, chattering the whole time. “Are you coming to Kevin’s party?”

  I shrugged. “I’d planned on it, but with everything going on with my mom…I’m not sure now.”

  He swung his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “I get that, but I really hope you come. I could even pick you up if you need a ride.”

  “He’s got a ride,” Jeff said from behind.

  I turned to look at him, surprised to see the redness in his face.

  Jon pulled away his arm, chuckling. “Good to know.” He shot Jeff a smug grin.

  We walked together, now quiet for a while, until Kevin and Jon turned down another street, leaving Jeff and me on the sidewalk. Now we could finally discuss my big reveal.

  I took a breath. “Jeff, I know I shocked you,” I began, searching for the words to explain why I’d kept my secret for so long.

  “Let’s talk tonight, okay?” His voice was tight. Rough. He wouldn’t look at me, and an overwhelming sadness filled me. After the way he’d acted all afternoon, I had allowed myself to believe he was fine with my earlier revelation. I was clearly wrong.

  “Sure. If that’s what you want,” I murmured

  * * * *

  When we got back to his house, his mom ordered pizza and we all sat to eat in front of the television, watching a movie on Netflix. She seemed to know something was up and tried getting us to talk, but neither of us was in the mood. Finally, I was too worn out by the last few days, and since I had already seen the movie, I decided to head up to bed. It didn’t seem like Jeff wanted to talk about anything anyway.

  I showered, washing away the chlorine smell and general stink of the day. Even though I was tired, I thought I might have trouble sleeping and took a Melatonin, washing it down with water from the bathroom faucet. I didn’t take it too often, but when I was stressed, I usually had a hard time falling asleep. A small dose usually helped me fall into a really deep sleep, and I needed it that night.

  Dejected, I fell into the bed and rolled to my side, wondering if it would be the last night I’d stay here. Was Jeff downstairs talking with his mom? Were they going to politely kick me out in the morning? I bit my cheek as I tried to fight the tears, but they came anyway. He had continued to act as if everything was okay at the pool, but maybe that had all been a show. Jeff certainly hadn’t made any move to talk about things.

  I cried for the loss of my best friend. I cried for my mom. I cried for the whole fucked-up situation. The one person I thought I could count on was rejecting me, and it broke my heart. I felt lost in a maze—what direction did I take? Where did I turn?

  By the time Jeff came to bed and slid under the covers, I had not quite fallen asleep. The pill hadn’t taken much affect yet, because the dip in the bed fully woke me up. I held my breath, hoping he would say something, anything, really. But he stayed quiet as he rolled toward me, yet didn’t pull me close as he had the past two nights.

  Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tugged the blankets tighter around my shoulders. I stared at the wall in the dark and brushed away my tears. I was so fucking tired of crying.

  “Aaron?” Jeff whispered.

  I tensed. “What?”

  “I’m sorry. It’s not that I’m upset you’re gay.”

  “Yeah, right,” I huffed, keeping my eyes on the wall.

  “No, really,” he replied, his voice earnest. He rested his hand on my shoulder. “I swear!”

  I rolled onto my back. “Then what? Why are you being such a douche?”

  He flinched and looked away.

  “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to hide this from you? I was afraid if I told you I could lose my best friend! And then you don’t even speak to me? Why?”

  Jeff met my gaze and his lips dipped into a frown. “Have you been crying?” He brushed away a tear. “Oh, fuck, Aaron. I’m so sorry!” He clasped my hand. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was…fuck, I was confused. Not about you being gay. I didn’t like how that guy Jon was all over you today.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “He was goofing around, but he wasn’t all over me.” I tried to remember the events in the pool. Yes, Jon had definitely flirted with me, and he wasn’t subtle. But I still didn’t think he had been too handsy.

  “He was,” Jeff insisted and pressed his lips into a hard, thin line.

  “But even if he was, why would that matter?” I was so confused. First Jeff acted like me being gay was a deal-breaker, then he acted…well, almost jealous. What the hell was going on?

  He let go of my hand and rolled onto his back. “I’m not sure why I’m being an ass. I just…just didn’t like how Jon was acting.”

  I turned away to hide my smile. He wasn’t abandoning me, he was trying to protect me. It was sweet, although a little misguided. But after all that had happened in the last forty-eight hours, I couldn’t really be mad at him. My admission probably threw him and he was just reacting—well, overreacting—but I could deal with that.

  “Look, I’m a big
boy, Jeff.” I faced him. “I appreciate all you’re doing to help me through this…ordeal…with my family, but I can handle a flirty guy.”

  Jeff stared at me. He rolled his eyes and punched my shoulder. “Hey, if you want to date a player, go ahead,” he teased, but I could still hear the tension in his voice.

  I laughed anyway and turned away from him. “Whatever. Besides, who said I wanted to date him?” I smiled into the dark as he scooted closer. “And so what if I do? It’s not like you don’t have someone you want to date, too. Someone, by the way, you still haven’t told me about!”

  “Shut up and go to sleep,” he ordered, his voice rough.

  I couldn’t believe how happy I felt just knowing Jeff didn’t hate me. He didn’t pull me close, but I was too happy to care. Besides, in the middle of the night, I woke to find his right arm draped over my waist, holding me tightly to his chest. I was torn between wanting to enjoy the moment and needing to empty my bladder.

  Unfortunately, nature called pretty intensely, so I got out of bed as quietly as I could and padded to the bathroom. It was a little chilly, so I did my business fairly quickly before I dashed back into the bedroom.

  Jeff was still asleep, so I slid under the covers and debated whether to scoot back into spooning again. I mean, was it really fair of me? He was doing it only to comfort me. Hell, he probably didn’t even realize he had done it. It wasn’t really right for me to take advantage of the situation.

  Damn! I really wanted to be in his arms. But I knew my reasons were different than his. I sighed and forced myself to stay on my side of the bed.

  “What are you doing?” Jeff mumbled sleepily.

  “Nothing. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. Just had to pee.”

  “I’m cold.” He hauled me into his space, wrapping his arms around me again.

  I swear, if hearts could sing, mine did right then. All those silly songs about love and fireworks and electricity suddenly made sense. I was happy, and even though I knew it probably wasn’t right, I was going to stay in denial for the moment and let myself fall asleep in his embrace.