Holding On Read online

  I frowned and shrugged as I felt Jeff tense up next to me. His thigh pressed hard against mine. I couldn’t figure out why he had such a problem with Jon.

  “Kevin thinks he’s going to ask you out,” Lily squeal-whispered, clearly excited with this tidbit of gossip.

  My face heated. “I guess we’ll see.”

  “What about you, Jeff?”

  His head snapped up. “What do you mean?”

  She giggled. “Do you think Kevin’s cousin is going to ask him out? You saw them at the party, right?”

  “I don’t know. Aaron can do whatever he wants, though.” He threw his napkin on top of his tray. “I’m not hungry. This tastes like crap anyway.”

  Of course it tasted like crap. It was the school’s chicken nuggets. He’d had them before. What the hell was wrong with him?

  Lily raised her eyebrows at me. Again, I just shrugged and frowned.

  “Faggot!”

  The word flew through the air and landed on me as if it had been a massive spit-wad aimed for my head.

  Jeff jumped up and clenched his fists. “Fuck you, Eddie!”

  I stood next to him and gestured for Lily to stay seated. The noise level in the cafeteria tapered down as all eyes looked at Jeff and me.

  Eddie and a couple of his buddies stomped to our table. “You sticking up for a faggot, Jeff?”

  “You’re an asshole,” Jeff said. “Your hate isn’t going to work here.”

  Eddie smiled, and I almost laughed when I saw something green in his teeth. I composed myself as the silence grew.

  “If you have a problem with Aaron being gay, than you have a problem with me, too.”

  Eddie’s eyes rounded. “You’re gay?”

  My heart leapt to my throat. I didn’t trust Eddie, bulked up on steroids and who knew what else, and he was twice Jeff’s size.

  “Yes.” One word and Jeff was out to the entire school.

  “I should have known it,” Eddie sneered. “Birds of a feather flock together, ain’t that right?”

  A slow grin spread across Jeff’s face. “That’s true. And it makes perfect sense you and your birds hang together.” He waved his hand toward Eddie’s two friends.

  “What the fuck does that mean?”

  Jeff smirked. “You have the intelligence of a Dodo bird and you all crap on the field.”

  I bit my tongue and tried not to choke on my laughter. Some of the kids around us started laughing and I couldn’t stop a smile.

  Fuming, Eddie seemed about ready to fly over the table at Jeff when Russell Adams showed up.

  The quarterback took one look at Eddie and stood in front of him. “What the hell is going on here?”

  Eddie stepped back, the rage still on his face. “These two assholes—these two gay assholes—think they can parade around here and call people names.”

  What the fuck?

  “That’s a fucking lie!” I exclaimed. “You called me a faggot, then turned on Jeff. You’re the asshole!”

  Russell glanced at Lily. “This true?”

  “Yes,” she quickly confirmed. “Eddie started the whole thing.”

  “I think the coach will want to hear about this. We don’t allow hatred from any members of our team.” He turned to Jeff and me and smiled. “If they give you any more trouble, let me know.”

  I nodded, more than a little shocked. Although Russell had been my friend as a child and we’d drifted apart as we grew older, it looked as if he still had my back. And Jeff’s as well.

  He waited while Eddie and his friends returned to their table, then gave me a wink before joining Deidre at their own table.

  Jeff and I sat and looked at each other.

  “What the hell just happened?” he whispered.

  “Um, you came out to the whole school and Russell Adams, the second sexiest guy at Stone Gate High School, just stuck up for you. And me.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Second sexiest? Who’s the sexiest?”

  Fuck, had I really said that?

  As my face burned, I grabbed a warm can of Mountain Dew from my bag and took a secretive swig, while Lily shook her head at me, a smile playing at her lips. She’d obviously figured out who I thought was the sexiest. Why had I ever thought she wasn’t smart?

  Lily clicked her tongue and looked at Jeff. “Well, at least now I know why I could never get your attention.”

  Jeff paled. “Um…yeah. I’m…I’m sorry, Lily.”

  “No big deal. I understand now. My heart will mend.” She giggled. “I wonder if Kevin Mason is seeing anybody. He’s a cutie. Aaron, do you know if he’s going with anyone to prom?”

  “Not that I know of.”

  “Okay. Well, see you in class tomorrow morning. Good luck with the rest of your day.” She rose from the table and headed toward the doors.

  “You’re not going to tell me?”

  Confused, I looked at Jeff. “Tell you what?”

  “Who you think is the sexiest guy in our school?”

  Shit. He was still on that? “Fine, I’ll tell you when you tell me the name of your secret crush.”

  He answered by yanking the napkin off his lunch tray, picking up a chicken nugget, and stuffing it into his mouth.

  I stuck out my tongue at him, and he rolled his eyes, which only made me laugh.

  It felt good to be out, free and laughing with my best friend.

  * * * *

  The next week flew by as I settled into a routine. My “new normal,” as Judy called it. I returned to working at the theater and got caught up with the classes I’d missed the days I was out. I also got my car registered, but mostly I rode with Jeff in his truck. I’d become used to it.

  We cleared out Judy’s office, moving most of the items to her bedroom and some to the basement. Kevin had agreed to help us move my furniture on Saturday, so we planned on picking him up around eight.

  As we headed to his house, I got a text. I pulled my phone, surprised to see it was from Jon.

  Jon: Heard you’re moving furniture today. Need an extra pair of hands?

  Me: That’s sweet, but you’re too far away. Don’t worry about it.

  Jeff glanced at me, so I showed him the phone. “Jon volunteering to help. Kevin must have told him. I wouldn’t ask him to drive this far.”

  “Whatever. He’d do it,” he ground out.

  “What is your problem with Jon?” I asked, exasperated.

  “I’ve told you. He’s hot for you. He’s all over you. He’s…fuck, he’s here!”

  I followed his gaze, shocked to see Jon standing in Kevin’s driveway.

  “I wonder why,” I mused.

  “Seriously, Aaron? He’s here because he likes you!”

  The attitude in his statement surprised me, and I frowned. “What’s wrong with that? Don’t you think I should be allowed to date?”

  His jaw tensed. “Of course. I just…shit, Aaron, I don’t think he’s the right one for you.”

  “Then who is?” I blurted.

  His eyes darkened. I shivered and my cock twitched. God, he could get me hard with one look. My breathing sped up and I swallowed hard.

  “Who is?” I asked again, my voice thick.

  I jolted at the sound of a knock on my window. I rolled it down. “Jon. I can’t believe you’re here to help.”

  He grinned. “Kevin told me what was going on. I didn’t have to work this weekend, so I drove up last night.” He looked beyond me to Jeff. “Hey. How’s it going?”

  “Good,” Jeff answered, his voice terse.

  Jon glanced at me. “Kevin and I will follow in my Spark. It’s not big, but we can get some things in it.”

  “Sounds good. My old house isn’t too far from here.”

  I rolled up the window as Jon walked away and I found myself admiring his ass.

  “If you’re done drooling, can we go?” Jeff’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

  Feeling a little pissed, I decided to go with the flow. “Not yet, I’m still checking out
his ass.”

  Silence blanketed the truck and Jeff drove away as I stared out the window, completely ignoring him. I was angry and confused. He didn’t want me to date and he obviously didn’t feel anything more than friendship for me. I could date whoever the fuck I wanted.

  Neither of us said a word until we arrived at my old house. Jeff backed into the driveway so it would be easier to load the truck. A moment later, Jon pulled in behind us. I climbed out of the truck and practically slammed the door before I led everyone up the walkway.

  Wood still covered the front window, but the yellow crime tape was gone. I unlocked the front door and everyone followed me in. Grandpa had obviously been there because things appeared tidier. I wondered for a moment if I should open a window and air the place out. But I didn’t want to be there that long.

  I headed to my room, not wanting to look at anything else. Memories of that horrific night flooded my mind and my breathing became ragged. I braced myself against a wall. It hit so fast this time.

  Not here. Not now.

  Jeff was at my side in an instant. One look in my eyes and he knew I was panicking. “Guys, head into his room and start dismantling his bed.” He cupped my cheeks and looked into my eyes. “Breathe, Aaron. Deep breath in, slowly let it out.”

  I did as he said, my eyes unable to move from his.

  “Again,” he ordered.

  I breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. Over and over I did this until my heart quit slamming against my chest and I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out.

  “Hey, do you have any boxes?” Kevin called. “You’ve got a lot of stuff here you probably want to keep, right?”

  “There are some in the garage,” I whispered to Jeff.

  “Garage,” Jeff told them.

  I heard movement, but continued staring into Jeff’s eyes. The blue seemed darker than usual. Jealousy rose up in me and I wondered if the guy he loved knew how wonderful he was.

  “You okay?”

  I nodded. “Let’s get this done. I want to get the hell out of here and never come back.”

  He smiled. “You got it.”

  Soon, we’d filled boxes with all of my belongings from the shelves and desk. I grabbed trash bags from the kitchen pantry and shoved all my clothes inside them. Luggage in a pinch.

  My bedroom furniture consisted of a bookshelf, a desk, bed, dresser, and nightstand. We got most of the large items in the truck and as many boxes and bags as we could carry in the Spark before we left for Jeff’s with our first load.

  It took a few hours and one more trip, but with Kevin and Jon’s help, we got everything moved to my new room. I’d need to do some organizing and put away a lot of things, but at least it was all set up.

  Jeff’s mom ordered a couple of pizzas for us and we all headed downstairs for dinner.

  “You don’t have to work tonight?” Kevin asked.

  “Jeff and I were able to take off,” I said. “The manager’s been really great about my time off, but I don’t want to take advantage of him, so I’m hoping this is the last time I need to ask off for a while.”

  I grabbed a couple slices of pepperoni and a Mountain Dew and followed Jeff into the living room. He sat on the sofa and I settled at the opposite end. I set my plate and drink on the end table as Jon took the middle of the sofa, sitting a little closer to my side than the center.

  “What should we watch?” I asked.

  “Anything you want,” Jon said, grinning.

  I swore I heard Jeff growling and I shot him a glare.

  While Kevin flipped through Netflix, Jon leaned over to me. “You think you could ask your manager for one more night off?” he whispered.

  “Why?” I furrowed my brow.

  “Do you have a date for prom?”

  I froze with my pizza midway to my mouth. “Prom?”

  He grinned and scooted closer. “I’d love to take you.”

  I put the pizza on my plate and tried to control my nerves. If I said “yes,” this would be my first date with a guy. In my heart, I wanted to go with Jeff, but that wasn’t going to happen. I chanced a glance at him, but he was busy watching the screen, perusing the movie choices with Kevin.

  “That sounds great, Jon. I’d love to go.”

  He grinned and took a bite of his pizza.

  The rest of the night became a blur. I remembered Jon flirting and Kevin and Jeff arguing about the special effects of the sci-fi movie we watched, but all I could think about was that I had a date to prom. No matter what Jeff thought, Jon was hot. I was attracted to him, although not like I was to Jeff.

  But it was time to get over those feelings. Jeff had made it clear he wanted someone else. And if I said anything about my attraction to him, I could lose my best friend, a risk I wasn’t ready to take.

  After the movie, as the guys got ready to leave, Jon pulled me into the hall. Before I knew it, he pressed me against the wall and braced his hands on either side of my head. He leaned in so close, I felt his breath, and licked my lips out of nervousness.

  “I can’t quit thinking about you, Aaron,” he whispered as one of his hands played with my hair. “I know I once told you I wouldn’t go after a guy that likes someone else, but you’re so sexy and cute and sweet and I can’t wait to take you to the prom. I want to make you forget about that other guy.”

  “You think I’m sexy?” I asked, surprised.

  He chuckled. “Fuck, yes.” He pulled his hand from my hair and cupped my cheek. He leaned in and I closed my eyes, my heart pounding. His lips brushed mine. I didn’t see fireworks, but I shivered.

  I opened my eyes to find him smiling at me. “So cute.”

  I waved him off. “Thanks for all the help today.”

  “No problem. Any time.” He backed away and met Kevin at the front door. “I’ll talk to you soon and we’ll figure out plans for prom.”

  Jeff looked at me with surprise, then narrowed his eyes at Jon. But he didn’t say anything to them other than, “Good night.”

  “I’m going to go put sheets on my bed,” I said. “I grabbed some from the house.”

  “My mom already did.”

  “Oh? That was nice of her.” I rubbed at my face and eyes, stifling a yawn. “I’m exhausted. Been a long day. Night.”

  “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

  I made my way upstairs, feeling his gaze on me the whole time. When I entered my room, I saw that his mother had indeed put sheets and a blanket on the mattress. I stripped to my boxers before crawling into bed.

  I was torn between anger with Jeff and excitement about my date with Jon. I just didn’t understand what Jeff had against Jon. And if I couldn’t go to prom with the man I wanted, then what was wrong with going with a hot guy who liked me?

  It occurred to me maybe Jeff liked Jon, but that didn’t really make sense. He’d confessed he liked someone way before we even met Jon. Plus from what he told me about his type, Jon wasn’t it.

  Jealousy ripped through me as I wondered about the mystery guy. If Jeff would just rip off the Band-Aid, so to speak, and tell this guy how he felt, the guy would probably be over the moon. It was almost as if Jeff had no idea how hot he was.

  But a secret part of me felt glad he hadn’t made a move yet. I should’ve felt guilty for feeling that way, but I couldn’t bring myself to think about it. The longer he waited to tell this guy, the longer I could keep my secret crush on him alive.

  That made me a terrible friend, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him to be mine. I wasn’t even sure when it had happened, except that this year I’d started thinking of him differently. Noticing him in another light. Plus, after how he’d taken care of me and my sister, and how he’d done everything he could to help me through this hard time, how could I not fall for him?

  My body reacted around him all the time. It took only a look or a word from him, even a brush of his body against mine, and I’d turn hard as a rock. Finding out he was gay made the fantasy more real, but I knew the real
ity could never be. If he had ever felt the same, he would have told me by now.

  As I tossed and turned in my old bed—in my new room—I couldn’t stop thinking about Jeff. I hoped we could be roommates in college, but I wasn’t sure. Once he started dating, it might be too hard for me to see him with other guys.

  Jon, however, had made his interest in me clear. I smiled in the dark. He was a nice guy and definitely sexy. I wouldn’t mind touching those abs. But I didn’t feel for him the way I felt for Jeff.

  I turned onto my side and fluffed my pillow, but I couldn’t get comfortable. It took a while before it dawned on me why I couldn’t fall asleep. Jeff wasn’t in bed with me. I didn’t have his arms wrapped around me.

  This new thing we had done at night—the holding each other—had been unexpected, but never felt wrong. In fact, it felt so right it was hard to believe we hadn’t slept like that before. Spooning against him every night seemed so natural. Even though we’d never talked about it, he seemed to feel the same way.

  I closed my eyes and tried counting backward from one hundred, but when I got to one, I was even more frustrated than when I’d started.

  If Jeff was asleep, maybe I could sneak into his bed. It wouldn’t be the same as when he held me, but it would be better than being alone. My mind made up, I climbed out of bed and slowly opened my door. I tiptoed down the hall to his room.

  The door was closed. What if I woke him? What if he doesn’t want me in there?

  My hand hovered over the handle until I took a deep breath and forced myself to turn it. The door opened easily, so I stepped inside and closed it behind me.

  I looked at the bed to find Jeff sitting up, facing me. His eyes glittered in the moonlight streaming in through the blinds. I froze. Busted.

  “What are you doing?” His voice sounded strange. Kind of gravelly.

  I shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep.” I knew I sounded lame, but took a few tentative steps toward the bed.

  “Why?”

  I threw up my hands. “I don’t like my new room. I don’t like my old bed anymore. I…things are different and…I want to sleep in here.” It was all true, but it wasn’t the whole truth. I missed him.

  I scrambled onto the bed and slid under the covers, facing away from him. He rolled over and pulled me close.